Who's Your City?

My sister is on her way back to Boston tonight. She should be about halfway to Denver right now, then with a short layover in DIA and on to Logan, getting in at about 1:30am her time. Long day for her, I think.

It has been so great to have her here, and it just has underlined how important my family is to me. I know that my sister has made a few comments about how she would like to end up back on the west coast somewhere, to be closer to family. It really got me to thinking about what's important to consider when I think about applying for jobs.

I am young, and single, and I want to be free to do what I want to do. But honestly, the older I get, the less interested I am in the whole "one more adventure" mentality. I sort of just want to find somewhere and settle down, and maybe live there the rest of my life. Minneapolis could easily be that place. I love it there. Portland could be that place. Spokane could be that place. I haven't decided yet if Bozeman could be that place or not. I guess a lot of it depends on what happens for me professionally.

Being essentially alone and without major responsibility, there is a lot open to me. And in the last year, I have considered most of it. From applying to jobs in Turkey to living in the middle of nowhere in Montana. It's been a wild ride, and it's not over yet. But I am really starting to reevaluate things (or perhaps continue to evaluate them). Here are a few things I have discovered are really important to me.

* Proximity to my family - I love my parents. I love my sisters. I love my aunts and my uncles and my cousins. I don't think I would want to be somewhere that I couldn't see most of them on a regular basis. At least I don't want to be somewhere that would make holidays together an impossibility.

* Proximity to my best friends - I have about five or six friends in the world (who live all over the world) that I would like to be in somewhat close proximity to, if possible. Some of that could be solved by staying in Bozeman. Some might take moving to the east coast. Of course, if given the opportunity, I would prefer to stay in the west. But I know that it's important to me to have my really close friends close to me. And since none of them appear to want to (or be able to) move to me, I would be willing to move to them, in a manner of speaking.

* Proximity to travel - The one really frustrating thing about Bozeman is its lack of a major international airport. I can't get anywhere easily, except perhaps Minneapolis and Denver. Neither of those are places I really need to go, but they would be places I would be willing to live in order to have access to an airport that would give me more mobility. Given the consulting work that I want to continue to do, it would also be a lot cheaper for me, and for my clients, if I could live in an airline hub.

* Proximity to culture - These are sort of in descending order. And while this one is really important to me, a lot of it can be solved by having #3 instead. I noticed that this last year (in 2009 alone), I have been on six major trips (not including Intensives). That's a lot of traveling. So if I can't live near culture, I can spend a significant amount of time traveling to it, if necessary. That would be generally fine with me, providing I can afford it. Of course, when you live near culture, you pay for it, as well. But I'm willing to make that trade-off.

* Woodland Hills - I know this might seem strange to some people. But I would love to live in Minneapolis, almost just to be near Woodland. It has been a long time since I have been a lay person in a church community, and if I'm not going to be on staff at a church, I would like to be part of a community like this one. What a gift that would be.

Those are just my top five. And they really are in descending order. I think it's most important for me, right now, to continue to be near my family, and then my friends, etc. If given the choice, I would love to be somewhere that encompases all five, but I think that's probably not possible. I have no family in or around MSP anymore. But if I ended up in MSP, that would take care of four. As would Portland. Regina would be at least three of the five. Bozeman would be three of five. And I guess, all in all, three out of five ain't bad...

A Christmas Wish Comes True

We just finished opening our Christmas presents for the 2009 year. After posting before that I knew what I was getting, was I ever shocked and surprised to find out that it turns out my Mom reads this blog... and she caught the post I did before on my Christmas Wish list, which really was a "wish" list... in the vein of "I wish I could have this but I know I won't get it." Well, surprise, surprise, Becca. Turns out Christmas wishes really can come true. Because when I opened my sequenced gifts from "Santa" (read: Mom & Dad) this morning, I first opened a leather cover for a Kindle. And then later on, opened #2, which was the Kindle itself! Well, I was both surprised and excited about this.

I spent the better part of our trip to NYC (and Boston) noticing how many Kindles there were around, and wondering how I could get one for myself. I am sort of famous for bringing about eight or nine books on vacation with me. In fact, when I went to NC one summer, I had a separate suitcase almost filled with books. I was gonna be gone for two and a half weeks! When I'm not working, that can be nine or ten books. Plus, I can never decide what I really want to read. Well, with the Kindle, that will no longer be a problem.

After downloading the Kindle-for-PC application (which I also highly recommend, if you don't want to plunk down the money for a Kindle), I started purchasing a lot of my books in Kindle version. And I have probably about 20 now. They're all on the new Kindle.

I almost want to go on vacation somewhere, just to see what it feels like not to take books with me... or, rather, to take books in e-format instead of paperback/hardback.

Does this mean I will stop buying real books? Absolutely not. I still buy most of my books in paper format. But the ones I would normally spend $5 or $6 in paperback form, I can now buy for my Kindle and take them with me when I travel. I'm not planning to replace my TS Eliot library or anything. Just a great thing for portable reading.

So, thanks Mom & Dad, for the greatest gift. It definitely makes up for the horribleness of the NYC trip (although none of that was even remotely your fault). But now I am having a great time figuring out new technology, another of my favorite experiences. Sometime in the future, I'm sure I'll post a review of the Kindle, so this is not a review (at all). I haven't read any books on it yet. (Although I started "Pregnasia"--see previous review post.) So I'm not sure whether or not I will like digital reading. But I anticipate many, many hours of fun to come from this gift.

Happy Christ-Mass

It strikes me how un-Christmas-like my December has been this year. Not that it's been bad or uncheery (or unElfy, even). But more like it just hasn't felt like Christmas. I was listening to some Christmas music the other day and all of a sudden, it hit me how quick Christmas was coming up. It literally snuck up on me this year.

I was thinking today, as I watched Torchwood instead of Christmas movies, why it seems like such an un-Christmas-y Christmas season this year. And I think I've figured it out.

Get ready to roll your eyes.

I took the Christ out of Christmas this year. Literally. After how many years of working in churches, I spent my first Christmas without a Christmas season. No advent, no Christmas music practice, no Figgy Pudding, no Christmas concerts, no Christmas Eve services to prep for, no Boxes of Love to send. No church Christmas activities at all. In fact, three of the four Advent Sundays, I was traveling, and didn't even make it to Church during Advent. It has been a weird experience for me.

I know it sounds kitschy, but I feel like I've lost the true meaning of Christmas. I know on some level that's not true... I've just faellen out of my own traditions, so it feels strange. I've still had plenty of opportunities to celebrate Christmas. I saw the Rockefeller Tree, for crying out loud. I mean, I've had more Christmas this year than I've ever had. But for some reason, it just doesn't feel like Christmas.

I never thought I'd say this, but this year, I really missed working in a church during Christmas. It made me miss the old days at First Baptist, when I used to prep for so many Christmas services, I lost track by Christmas morning. I miss it. It gets me in the mood for Christmas.

This may not be (and undoubtedly is not) the case for most people, but it is the case for me. I miss working at church.

Best of Winter Traveling

I had some great (and some not great) experiences while traveling this fall and winter. So here's my combination Best of/Bridget Jones' Diary post about my travels...

Best View: Maggie's Apartment in Boston, MA - she's in the third-floor of a great walk-up apartment in a historic district, and looks out over a beautiful part of town. Great decor in her apartment, lots of windows, and a great deck. Beautiful.

Best Road Trip: Regina, SK to Bozeman, MT - Cathy and I drove this when she came out. It was tons of fun. We got to go to lots of great places in Raymond and see the rims in Billings, and all kinds of fun stuff. It was great.

Best Breakfast: Liberty Township, OH - At Soul Fuel, the adult volunteers made us this incredible breakfast spread the last day. There was this egg bake that was to-die-for. Definitely the best-of.

Best Lunch: North End of Boston, MA - L'Osteria Ristorante - I had the Chicken Marsala (by far the best I've ever had before), and Maggie had the Lasagna (which I actually liked, that's how good it was). Cute little authentic Italian restaurant. Loved it. Although, Connelly's Pub in NYC was a close second. And, of course, Skyline Chili in Cincy. :-)

Best Dinner: Manhattan, NY - Junior's - Hands down, the best dinner I have had maybe since Long Beach. The whole experience at Junior's was great. The food was fantastic, the desserts delectable, the wait staff was very helpful and polite, the restaurant was clean and warm. It was fantastic.

Best Hang-Out: Bozeman, MT - Kumlien/Syme Christmas Party - we always manage to have lots of fun when we get together for family stuff, and this year was no exception. We played Wii and Apples to Apples... it was lots of fun!

Best Hard Experience: Blizzard of the Year NYC - Not sure I count this as a "good" experience, but it was definitely hard. The source of many Bridget Jones Moments... here are a few:

# of inches of snow: 18
# of hours in which snow fell: 12
# of hours waiting for train in Penn Station: 8 and a half
# of times we heard "White Christmas": 32
# of times "White Christmas" was cute and nostalgic: 2
# of times I said "That was the most disgusting experience of my life so far!": 3
# of good friends I got to see: 4
# of points Duke won by: 35
# of blocks walked: 84
# of taxi rides taken: 3
# of times on public transit: 15
# of shoes I sacrificed to the grime of NYC mixed with the slush of snow: 2
# of hours spent navigating the Penn Station K-mart: 1
# of times Maggie laughed: 728
# of hours spent sitting on the hard floor in Penn Station: 4
# of times mugged in NYC: 0
# of hours spent in the Tim Burton exhibit: 1.5
# of good meals in NYC: 2
# of times we saw the Rockefeller tree: 3
# of mochas we ordered and did not receive: 1
# of times I will ever ride on Amtrak again: ZERO!!

Best Recommended Book: "Mystique" by Amanda Quick. By far one of the best romance novels I've read this year. And the best one I've read in the last several months.

Best Music Find: "Sarajevo 12/24" by Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Excellent song.

Best Game Find: Banagrams. Seriously, if you haven't played it, you have to try it out immediately! It is so much fun.

Best Place to Stay: The Holt House, Liberty Township, OH - this was where I stayed during the Soul Fuel weekend. Awesome family, awesome house, awesome kids. Really had a great time!

Best Part about Leaving: Coming Home. It is sure good to be back.

Link of the Week

The. Best. Review. Ever.

I have never seen such a hilarious review. Anything that contains the words "Prego McMemory-Loss" and "sex-ay" and "double finally" and "Pregnasia" and "sexxors"... is gonna be effing awesome. And it was. Seriously, it's a bit long, but you've got to read this.

It almost makes me want to read the bad book, just to see for myself exactly how bad it is.

Best review ever. By far. Best.

The review contains sexually explicit language. Just so you know. (It's about a Harlequin book, so that should explain a lot.)

Amtrak Breaks Your Will to Live

You know that song "United Breaks Guitars"? Well, today (or, rather, last night, since it was yesterday), I was standing in Penn Station in about the 7th hour of an unnecessary wait for a train, I found myself wondering if I had the talent to write a song and make a video and put it on YouTube about Amtrak. Only Amtrak didn't break my guitar. They broke my will to live.

After a huge snowstorm (and I'm from Montana, so "huge" is not relative), we found ourselves stranded (like many people) in an East Coast City. I would say that I won't name the city to protect the innocent, but everyone who knows me knows that I was in New York. So we were in New York. As cities go, I think New York wasn't a horrid place to be stranded in the snowstorm, except for the fact that all the grime and yuck that's all over the streets then gets in the snow, which gets on my pants and, well, we all know how well I do with germs and grime. I'm lucky I survived that experience with an intact psyche.

But regardless of that, once the snow stopped and we finished hanging around the city, we were SO more than ready to get back to Boston. Only Amtrak wasn't ready to let us go.

Here's the situation. Kristy's train back to Baltimore was cancelled due to the snow, so Robert got her on a later train. So that was mass chaos, trying to get all those people who had been on that train onto other trains. But those were all south-bound trains. No north-bound trains were cancelled. Delayed? Yes. Cancelled? No.

At about 5:00, which was when we were originally supposed to take off, our train started showing more and more delays. First an hour, then two, then 2:45, then 3, then 4, then 4:30. Then, finally, 5 hours. By this time, Kristy got on her train (after all of us spending five hours in Penn Station), and then it got ugly.

Amtrak decided that instead of making everyone just wait for a seat on the train that they'd bought, they would call a free-for-all. "Get on any regional train you can," they said. "We'll honor any ticket on any train." Well, that's all well-and-good, except for the fact that all the tickets on all the trains were already sold out. We'd already paid $92 apiece for a seat on the 5:00 (now 10:00) north regional train to Boston. And we had waited five and a half, almost six hours at that station for our train.

Then, they announce that our train is coming in. Ready to board. And oh, by the way, all the passengers from the 166 train (which wasn't scheduled to even take off until 9:00, anyway, and whose passengers had only been waiting for an hour) would be allowed to board the 194. So there was a *mad* rush to the escalator when they announced boarding, and we just happened to be at the wrong escalator.

We get down to the train and it is *packed*. There are no words for how packed this train was. All the 166 people who had been waiting there decided they would go ahead and get on our sold-out train (since Amtrak said it was okay), and the conductors down at the train were even confused by this. "They oversold this train," the guy said to us when we tried to get on. We walked through ever car. No seat. Not even in the club car. There wasn't even any standing room left.

Understandably pissed off, we got off the train, and waited the additional three hours for the 166 train to come in. When this train arrived, it was almost empty. In fact, we rode in a car that could have seated about 100 people, and there were maybe 14 of us in the car. So it was a much better ride than the last one would have been. But it was after midnight, and we'd been at Penn Station since almost 3:30 in the afternoon. We were done.

And here's what pisses me off about this whole situation.

Amtrak didn't have to give our seats away. We paid for those seats, and we could have had seats on our own train, if Amtrak would have made the people who had tickets on the later train wait for their train. Instead, they took the lazy way out. They said, "free-for-all", and then closed their ticket offices, so they didn't have to deal with all of us pissed off customers. Seriously, when we came back up from missing our train, the information desk, the ticket office, and the waiting area were all closed. It was like Amtrak just disappeared.

I remember the feeling we had when we rode up that escalator. It was a little like losing your will to live. The feeling of knowing that there is absolutely nothing you can do about the fact that you just got screwed, and (on top of it), that the people who just screwed you are never going to have to pay for what they did. That is what really gets me.

Amtrak disappeared, they took the lazy way out, they panicked and did not handle the pressure well... and then they left all of us high and dry.

It does not piss me off that they had to cancel trains because of weather, or even that there were delays. I live in Montana for crying out loud. We're used to having the weather dictate our lives. You learn to bring a book.

But Amtrak created a panic situation for no reason, and took the lazy way out. They didn't want to have to sit around and listen to people complain about how late the train was, so they allowed people who did not have tickets to board a sold-out train just because the other one had been delayed. I can understand doing this in one-on-one cases (where, say, I have to get to a 7am interview in Providence, or I have to work at 7am in Boston--like my sister did). But to just do it en masse because you don't feel like dealing with the fallout? That is just bad business.

So this was an Amtrak fail.

Big time fail, Amtrak. In fact, I would say that this was by far the worst traveling experience of my life, and I don't think I will ever use Amtrak again. I will be writing them a letter when I get home to tell them exactly what I think of their business practices and their lack of ability to take responsibility for their actions.

Bad on you, Amtrak. Bad, bad on you. United may break guitars, but Amtrak breaks your will to live. Fail.

A Sad Day in Mudville...

It was an interesting experience to see the Duke win yesterday through my sister's eyes (as a Zag fan, who we beat). The Zags didn't play well, and it was sad to watch, because you never want to see your opponents struggle. You want them to play well, and you want to beat them when they play well.

But what was the most interesting to me was to hear my sister talk about Duke "fans". There was a point toward the end of the game where we had more than doubled their score. And I was sitting in a group of Gonzaga fans (stprobably all old Kennel Clubbers who live in this area now, from what it sounded like), who were all crestfallen by the time the "more-than-double" chant started from the Duke fans.

"This is what I hate about Duke fans," she said, sneering. I, who had been participating in the cheer myself (something that the Cameron Crazies do on a regular basis while at Cameron), stopped my chant and asked what she mean.

"Good sportsmanship is about wanting your team to do well, not trying to make the other team feel crappy about themselves," she said. I thought about that for a second, thinking about the rivalries that I take part in, and how nasty and mean they get. How hurtful it is when the Griz fans are mean about the Cats, or how angry I get when UNC fans (or really anyone, I guess) diss Duke fans.

I felt appropriately guilty in that moment, watching the Zag fans who I had been sitting with, feeling humiliated. That wasn't what I wanted. Those of you who have high Competition as a Strength will understand this... true Competition means wanting the other team to do well, so you can beat them at their best. It means wanting the other team's fans to have an opportunity to trash talk, but not so that you can beat them down, rather so you can both feel the intensity of the competitive experience. Together. You need those people, the fans of your opponents, and your opponents. Everyone knows that watching a blowout is no fun. Think of being a fan in the same way. We want our opponent's fans to have a good experience, too. That's what makes good competition fun, whether you win or lose.

As the game ended, I was treated to another yucky Duke fan experience.

One of the Gonzaga fans, as they rose to leave, ribbed to the Duke fans across the aisle: "See you in the Championship game."

An angry Duke fan shot back, "You mean the NIT Championship for you, right?"

My sister bristled at that, too. And I said, "what was wrong with that?" She responded with, "Didn't you hear how mean that was? Our guy was joking, like, trying to reclaim some face in the midst of a hard experience, and your guy was trying to put him in his place. That's just bad sportsmanship. Do you see why I hate Duke fans?"

And I have to say, I can see why she hates Duke fans. The people sitting around us were arrogant and conceited and self-important. They were mean-spirited and had bad competitive spirits. These are the kinds of people who might stop being Duke fans if Duke stopped winning. (Of course, with Coach K at the helm, that probably won't happen anytime soon, but still, he's not going to be around forever.) These are people who only want to be associated with Duke because they win. Sort of like the magic Red Sox nation that appeared everywhere after they finally won the world series. Sort of like the mass of Yankee fans out there.

Of course, speaking as someone who became a Duke fan because they had the same colors as us (in high school), I can't say that I have any great ties to that school--I'm not an alum, and I have no plans to attend there. But I can say that I don't like to see other people suffer in order for me to feel good about myself. And I don't need to put people down to know that my team is good. In fact, I would have been fine if the Zags had beaten us last night. Okay, I wouldn't have liked it, but I would have been happy to see a good game. And I would have been happy for my sister.

But yesterday, I was officially ashamed to be a Duke fan. If I hadn't been a Duke fan for my entire adult life, I think I would probably stop cheering for them right now. But I'm just not sure who else I could cheer for. It makes me sad to say, but it's how I felt.

I hope I don't feel that way tomorrow.

And the Winner Is...

My sister and I are headed down to NYC today to see Gonzaga play Duke at Madison Square Garden, and Kristy is coming up from Baltimore to meet us there (then Tim & Nicole are coming over from New Haven to meet us on Sunday... I get to see so many people!!! I'm so excited!). This is like a basketball fan's dream, so I will take lots of pictures.

I just wanted to let you all know that the game should be televised on CBS. It's on at 4:00 Eastern (2:00 Mountain). Check your local CBS affiliate.

And GO DUKE!!

Hilarious Link of the Week

Okay, I should warn you, there is adult content on the following link, but seriously, it might just be the funniest thing I have read... maybe ever. It's done by a guy who takes random bad quotes out of romance novels. Each bad quote is preceded by a hilarious one-liner of his, trying to contextualize the quote in a humorous way. Seriously, even if you've never read one, you'll still find this funny. I laughed for a good half an hour, deep belly laughs, it was awesome.

Anyway, without further ado, I give you:

Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Quotes.

Tada!

Quote of the Day

"If at first you don't succeed, quit. Because you probably suck."

~From Sh*t My Dad Says (group on Facebook... check it out!)

The Woman Who Shushed

I generally have very uneventful traveling experiences (except for the cross-country driving, for some reason). Mostly, whenever I get wherever I'm going, that's where all the eventful things happen.

This was not the case, yesterday.

Well, that's not altogether true. The flight from Bozeman to Denver was completely mundane and boring (read: safe and normal). But as soon as I got to Denver, everything changed.

I happened to take a seat at the terminal just across from a young woman (blonde, young, thin, pretty) who was traveling alone with her (looked like about 2 1/2 year old) daughter. She was loaded down with crap, first of all (stroller, car seat for the plane, bags, books, toys... all the things you need when you have a child that age and you're going to be on a plane for 4 hours). And then, the fun started.

Her daughter, about fifteen minutes before we were going to board, started to scream. Not scream-cry... there was nothing wrong. Just scream. I was sitting there, peacefully reading my suspenseful book, and suddenly, I hear this blood-curdling scream that would have put any horror movie actress to shame. Thinking I've just made my novel come to life, I look around, startled, to find this little tiny girl across from me screaming, not my head or someone in dire need of help (as it sounded). So I relax again, thinking all is well.

Then she does it again. And after she does so, she looks up at her mother, just as I do. But instead of a worried, or frightened look, her mother is smiling and laughing. I look around me, and all my fellow passengers are sharing the same sort of quizzical looks. Her daughter screams again, the mother laughs. Encouraged, the daughter screams again, to be greeted with more laughter. So the daughter starts to laugh after each scream.

Mind you, these are not fun, happy squeals of childhood delight. They are screams that would normally draw police attention. And they are now happening at fifteen-second intervals. And each one is followed by happy laughter. With her mother's encouragement, the girl starts screaming every ten seconds, then dissolving into fits of giggling, then screaming again. Almost without taking a breath.

All the other passengers and the gate staff have become uncomfortable. Some of us are already achy and tired from traveling, some of us are anxious about further traveling. None of this is a good environment for a screaming child (although, again, not screaming in pain or fear, but in hilarity and laughter). Everyone around me is visibly agitated. But the mother is ignoring all of our uncomfortability, and continues to laugh at her daughter each time she screams.

Finally, after (and I know I tend to exaggerate, but for the purposes of this story, I am trying to stay close to the facts... seriously it was like) ten solid minutes of screams, the woman sitting behind the mother finally leans over to the girl and says, very quietly, "shhhh."

We were all thinking it. She said it. I figured that would be the end of the story.

But no, it's only the beginning.

The mother proceeds to round on this lady, who was trying to encourage a little propriety, and starts swearing at her at the top of her voice. No middle ground for this chick. Seriously. "F--- you, lady. Who do you f----ng think you are? Nobody f----ng tells my daughter to 'shhhh'. She's f----ng two years old, lady."

We are now all stunned. I'm thinking to myself, how dare you, stupid chick, swear at a complete stranger like that. Of course, we've all heard the story about the guy on the train with all the rowdy kids who it turns out has just lost his wife today and doesn't know how to cope, so I know that everyone has a story. But I'm still thinking, how dare you, stupid chick, swear at a complete stranger like that.

Apparently, I was the only one.

The lady retorts back, "I was only trying to get her to be quiet. When you laugh after she screams like that, you're only encouraging her to scream more. And it's just not appropriate for her to do that in public." Or something like that.

The mother yells, "Oh, yeah? And who the f--- made you the g--d--- authority on parenting, huh? You think you can just tell me how to parent my daughter? She's two f----ng years old. She doesn't know when she's supposed to be quiet!"

To which I was thinking... yeah, that's why we have parents who teach us not to scream in a crowded airport instead of laughing at us and encouraging us to scream.

Apparently I and the lady who "shhhh"ed were the only ones thinking this.

Because as the mother continued to bawl out this lady (who, by the way, apologized for butting in, and started to cry), and get in her face and swear at her, a couple of men who'd been sitting next to me started to intervene and see if this mother was okay. The mother, after another minute or two of loud, angry lecturing, took her proverbial ball and went home. She stalked over to the other side of the gate and sat down by the moving walkway, and these men followed her, picking up her stuff and trying to help her.

Everyone is crowding around this mother, who is visibly angry and yelling, then getting on her phone and yelling. And villifying this poor lady who wanted a little peace and quiet, and who frankly wanted this mother to take responsibility for teaching her child how to act in public.

Is there a place for kids to be allowed to scream? Yes. Especially when they are afraid or tired or angry, and can't help themselves. But when they're screaming for no reason, and you're laughing at them? I'm sorry, but that's just not the place for screaming. Do it at home, however much you want, but in a public place, everyone has rights. And I have the right not to get a headache. Or be sworn at for no reason.

Anyway, the story doesn't end here. I won't tell the rest of it, because frankly, it's making me angry again, but suffice it to say, it did not end there. Several men, who had been standing around at the gate, took this woman under their arm and tried to help her with her child and her anger, and then proceeded to inform all the gate staff and the flight attendants about what had happened. Meanwhile, this poor woman who shushed is humiliated and crying and falling all over herself to apologize, but none of it is heeded. Everyone on the plane then proceeds to take sides over the spectacle, and it felt like high school again. And it didn't even end on the plane. It continued into the baggage claim area once we reached Boston.

Suffice to say, I am sure there is some kind of lesson in here somewhere, but I just can't see what it is. I do know that it was four and a half of the most uncomfortable hours I have ever spent. Although, I'll tell you what... that little girl was completely silent after the woman shushed her. Didn't cry or scream or yell even one time for the remainer of the trip.

I guess I just find that... interesting...

All I Want for Christmas Is Priceless

Okay, so I'll admit it... I'm sort of copying Donald Miller when I do this post, but I just so loved his Christmas list, I had to do one of my own. So I'm stealing his idea, and making it mine. Because, after all, what would a Becca list be like without a little over-blown philosophizing and some sweet technology? Not a Becca list, that's what it would be like...

On that note, here are a few things I want for Christmas:

* Emotional well-being
* To be free of stress
* To have all my family around me
* To make a living writing books
* Health and full-body wellness
* An end to childhood hunger
* For everyone in this country to have their basic needs met

Okay, I know what you're thinking... no world peace??!?? Dude... I'm trying to be realistic. Perhaps next year, I will ask for world peace. And a million dollars. Heck, make it a billion.

And I already got some great stuff for Christmas. My parents are sending me to the Duke/Zag game in NYC at Madison Square Garden with my sister! I got a fabulous painting from my Celtic Hearts Romance Writers' Yule Exchange. I got peppermint body wash (seriously, if you knew how long and hard I always look for this and can never find it anymore, you would understand how momentous this is for me). I got an awesome day planner that told me how fabulous 2010 would be for me... and it will be. :-) So I have already received some amazing things.

But still, here are the *things* I want (but don't expect to get) for Christmas.

* A Kindle - I know that a lot of people are up in arms about ebooks and electronic printing being the downfall of the publishing industry. But seriously... as I prepare to leave on yet another trip across the country, and have the five novels I'm preparing to read stuffed into every available cranny of my luggage, I long for the days when I could just take ONE and have it be enough...

* An iPhone - Yes, I know, I am late to the bandwagon. I don't actually want an iPhone to call people, though... that I can use my current phone for. I just love the idea of everything being in one place. My iPod, my phone, and all those awesome apps. I just want to be able to say, every day, "y'know, I'll bet they have an app for that!" :-)

* A Disney wedding - After doing the research the other day, I realized that a Disney wedding (at its cheapest) is probably going to be like $25,000. More like $50,000. It's a pipe dream (and probably should find my DH first...), but after looking at all the possibilities, I no longer want to get married anywhere else! I know it's a fairy tale, but that's the whole point, right?

* The ESPN College Basketball Encyclopedia - I know it's huge. And full of useless information. But I really would love to own a copy of this. If for no other reason than when stupid Kentucky fans get all up in my grill about how great Kentucky is, I can open up my basketball encyclopedia and quote them facts about their slimy snake cheater coach. Haha. And, as a high Input, I love encyclopedias. :-)

* The Rebecca Riots - This is a book that I've been wanting to get for such a long time. But all the copies are very expensive because it's out of print, and sort of obscure. But I read about these riots awhile ago, and have always wanted to write a novel about them. In order to do that, of course, I need to get my hands on this book (and I can't get my library to lay their hands on a copy, either). Anyway, the book is close to $100, so it really is a "wish lister". But someday, I keep hoping my library can find it somewhere.

* The Complete Works of Barry Eisler - I recently read "Killing Rain" on my Kindle-for-PC and adored it. This is a writer I could definitely get into. And since my Karen Hawkins series ran out, I could definitely use a new series to get into. We shall see.

* World Peace - According to Donald Miller, Amazon doesn't sell world peace... I beg to differ. They sell world peace... flags... :-)

So I couldn't give up the dream...

Check This Out

Here's a list of the best blogs I've read this week. Check them out! Go on, you know you want to... just take some time to read some great blogs. You'll be happy you did.... ;-)

Emily's post on "Happy Holidays"

Clint's post on legacy

Greg's post on Global Warming

Christine's post on transparency in PR

Don's Christmas list

Beth's post on the presence of angels

Sarah's tribute to Jane Austen

Finding Flow

The project I'm working on, currently, is a creative nonfiction piece for a group called Project Iris Garden, or Students for Danforth Park. This is a campus group, created in an English 101 class, that has decided to resurrect one of the campus's green spaces. Reclamation project.

What has been so interesting to me about working on this project is trying to walk the line between fiction and creative non-fiction. I am working with real people (all of whom are currently not living, but who have family who are living), and real events. Real places, and real problems.

It is a much more difficult and much more nuanced process than simply writing a novel. Partially because I don't have the space to do justice to the entire story. The whole story takes place over about a three year period, and encompasses so many different characters. It would just be impossible to really do it justice in only 5,000 words. So I am struck with the difficult task of finding the one event that I can illustrate that sort of speaks the message of the whole timeline.

This has been a great challenge for my Communication Strength (which is all about "message"), and I have been enjoying it while also being challenged by it. For those of you who know Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi and his theory of "Flow" (a concept about the skill level and the challenge level being in proportion to one another), you will know why I am so excited by this challenge. This particular type of creative challenge is just at the right level for my Communication Strength that it makes me lose myself in the project. In fact, this is one of the only writing projects I've done where I honestly just lose track of time while I'm working on it. The only thing I can compare it to is the time when I was first coming up with the concept for "Whispers" (the book I just finished), where I was looking at real events in history and trying to make a story out of them.

So I'm trying to learn the lesson that's in all this. I definitely think that part of the lesson is one about me and my Strengths. I remember the experience I had in Grad School where we had a Team Leadership class and had to do a team test. And my group and I had such a unique experience with that test because of my unique ability to be able to listen to everyone's voice and opinion, and then create a test answer that incorporated everyone's ideas, but was also a cohesive, argument-driven answer. My group was so amazed by this and my response was, "isn't everyone like that?" Well, apparently everyone is not.

Synthesis.

That's what I'm really good at, I think. And, of course, being a Strengths coach, I think everyone should know what they're really good at, and be confident in that. But I do have an ability to take all the data of a situation and write something that's cohesive and purposeful, and even creative. So while I'm very grateful for this opportunity to write, I am most grateful for this opportunity to work in my Strengths. It definitely makes me more and more sure that this is really what I need to be doing with my life.

You're My Hero

For the last several months (since graduating, really), I have read nothing but romance novels. Well, okay, that's not true either... I snuck in a couple of Tim Keller books, and several research books for the novel I'm currently working on. But in general, many of you may remember that I'm trying to read more fiction and less non-fiction after realizing that over the years I was in school, I read over 75% non-fiction and only 25% fiction. For someone who reads as much as I do, that's a lot of fiction not read.

So my current indulgence is reading every romance novel I can get my hands on. Some have been good. Some not-so-good (all for different reasons). I may end up blogging about some of them, but today I am mainly interested in one particular facet of writing romance novels. The hero.

I am a firm believer that a hero (maybe more so than a heroine) can make or break a book. At least, from my perspective. I may have to want to be the heroine of the book, but I have to want to be with the hero. And that's asking a lot, for some of these guys.

But what bugs me about some of the heroes is perhaps not what might bug other readers. Unlike some, I don't particularly care how he's physically described. I also don't really care what his prowess in battle is, or whether or not he's well-endowed. What I do care about is whether I believe in him or not.

Let me explain.

Some of the heroes of romance novels I've read are these perfect men. They're perfectly built. They're perfectly educated (in their own way) and always sexually adept. They're often perfectly feminist (which often bothers me...especially if we're talking about a 10th century duke or a 12th century laird... just not realistic for me--takes me right out of the story). They are even perfectly flawed. Whatever flaw they might have always gets corrected by the end, and often by the heroine. Their flaws are always minor, and are compensated for by other things.

These men bother me, to such an extent that I cannot really express it in words. (And yet I try, eh?) They are not real. And they set women up for failure when it comes to relationships with real men. While many romance readers may be savvy enough to be able to draw a distinction between reality and fantasy, some are not. And as my writer's group and my friends and I have discussed, those of us who started reading romance novels at an early age (perhaps before we could tell the difference)

I should add the caveat that I am not talking about *all* romantic heroes. And there were, for me, several notable exceptions.

Sir Alex de Beamont in Angela Johnson's Vow of Seduction: Careful, hot read. But the hero in this book has some significant flaws that it takes him *years* to overcome. I can't tell you how much I appreciated that about him. He acts impulsively as a young man and hurts his wife beyond belief. But he returns to her and tries to reconcile their relationship. He is a tragic hero, and a very compelling man in the sense that I can as easily see him in reality as I can in fantasy. Truly, a well-done hero.

Hugh of Scarcliffe in Amanda Quick's Mystique: He is relentless (readers will get the reference) in his quest to become the man he needs to be. While he ends up married to an unbelievably strong woman, he also understands how to be the man that he needs to be for her. He can admit when he makes a mistake, and apologize if necessary. One of his major flaws is his past--the flaw he cannot control. And while he may discover that his parents were really in love, the pain of his past is never erased. I like that.

Rand Malkin in Christina Dodd's Move Heaven and Earth: One of the first books I've ever read about a man who is crippled. I was amazed at how she wrote his character. I was pleasantly surprised with how she treated the subject. His tragic history in the Napoleanic Wars made him another man with scars (emotional scars... which are real). The heroine, coincidentally, has some emotional scars of her own, which were compelling, but it was the hero who really stood out to me in this book. He dealt with his tragedy the way I would imagine any man would. And that made him appealing to me... how real he was.

Hugh MacLean in Karen Hawkins' Sleepless in Scotland: The reason Sir Hugh makes this list (another Hugh! must be a sign) isn't necessarily because of his tragic flaws (which are admittedly few), but more because of his realistic loyalty. He has these three daughters (I won't give away the storyline here) that are his priority. And when he takes a wife, the way he acts with these girls was so realistic to me. I could imagine any man I knew (who was a good father) acting the same way. Again, his realness made him appealing.

Of course, these are only among the books I have read. I am certain that there are more. In fact, I have noticed a considerable shift in the romance hero of today versus the romance hero of my youth. He is a much more realistic man, and a much more desirable partner in that, like me, he has flaws that he may never correct, but regardless of those flaws (or perhaps because of them), I still want to be his heroine.

My Side of the Grass is Always Greener

For the last year and a half, I have been going through a program designed to help me feel my emotions and acquire skills to be able to have healthy, connected relationships with others and with myself. The program used to be called "The Solution", but is now called "Emotional Brain Training" or "EBT". Part of having these skills is learning to stay on "my side of the fence." Not to expect that I can control others, and not to expect that others can control me. I am responsible for my own emotions, and they are just emotions, so feeling them is okay.

I have been struggling a bit lately with "staying on my side of the fence." I am enough of a people pleaser that I don't want to be the cause of someone else feeling poorly... and it is a hard habit to give up, this thinking that I can control the emotions of other people. What it has been such a challenge to learn is that we are each responsible for our own emotions, and that means that sometimes people have to feel bad, and sometimes that is exactly what they need.

My friends at Pub Church and I have been talking for several years about how the purpose of God putting us on this earth is not for us to be happy. Happiness is not the be-all-and-end-all of human experience. While it is nice, and good, to be happy, that is not the point of life. And I think I want to reject this premise, because it feels so good to be happy. But the bottom line of human experience is that while we are wired for joy (that is one of the cornerstones of EBT), we often use external solutions (shopping, gambling, eating, controlling, escaping, numbing, raging, drugs, alcohol, etc.) to make us feel temporary joy in order to get away from feeling angry, sad, afraid, or guilty.

So one might assume that in order to be truly "wired for joy", we would stop feeling our essential pain (angry, sad, afraid, guilty) emotions. But that's not the point at all. In fact, the reasons that we are consistently pulled into those emotions lie in the midst of the emotions themselves. We have unrealistic expectations, connected to our emotional brain, that keep us trapped in the fake-joy of external solutions. And when we can clear out all that trash, and be more aware of our emotions and where they lead us, we can live more whole and healthy lives.

So does this mean we will never feel essential pain feelings again? Y'know, I used to think so. How great would it be, I used to think, for me to never have to feel fear or anger or guilt or sadness again. But the more I think about it, what an empty (and untrue human) experience that would be. To feel happiness, and to be at peace, are beautiful things. But fear is a useful emotion. Why am I afraid? Because I'm in the dark in a haunted house. Hmm... should learn to avoid those experiences, perhaps. Why am I angry? Because someone took my ball. I need to acknowledge my need to have things that are mine (as well as acknowledge when that expectation is reasonable and when it is not). Why am I sad? Because I've just lost something of value to me. There's nothing wrong with that. Why am I guilty? Because I've just done something I should not have done. Totally useful emotion!

So if each of these emotions really does have a place in the human experience, how can I be a more connected person who allows my emotions to be what they need to be, but not to control my life and all my actions? That, my friends, is the rub. That's what EBT is all about. Feel your feelings, be above the line, stay on your side of the fence, and find the solution in your own brain chemistry. I would add to that, that God created us for a full emotional range, and with the intention that we would be engaged in our lives in all ways. That includes being aware of and feeling our emotions.

So while I still have a hard time staying on my side of the fence (especially when there are essential pain feelings over here), I am slowly getting better. And I have at least learned that on my side of the fence, the grass is always greener.

He Chose Poorly

In the third (which really should have been the last) Indiana Jones movie, Indy and his compatriots go on the quest for the grail, of course, to keep it from Hitler. And when they reach the last of the trials, there is a giant room filled with chalices of every feasible variety, along with an old knight (supposedly one of the actual Templars) who guards the choice. Each person gets only one choice, to find the grail, and that choice leads them either to eternal life, or horrible death.

I'll never forget the man who chose poorly. He seeks through the chalices and finds the most ornate, beautiful cup in the entire room. It is jeweled and golden, shimmering as if it had just been polished by careful hands (or is eternally incapable of dusting... how many of us would love furniture like that?). "Fit for a king", I believe, is the line he uses.

He scoops up some water (the same water that could bring eternal life, remember) with this dazzling cup, puts it ceremoniously to his lips, and drinks. But instead of the ethereal glow, he begins to quickly deteriorate. He withers before their very eyes, and dies of old age in a quick, gruesome moment. The woman screams, Indy shields her, the earth itself groans, and then there's a close-up on the old knight, who says, "He Chose... Poorly."

Then Indiana looks for the poorest looking cup, and to save his father, scoops up some of the water that just killed a man right in front of him with the scuffed, dusty relic, and gulps it down, looking to the old knight with cautious hope. The grey old man pauses dramatically and says, "You have chosen... Wisely." Cue the HAE. (Happily Ever After)

That cinematic moment made a huge impact on me. Everytime I'm faced with a big choice in life, I remember the old knight who pronounced judgment on Indiana Jones and his Nazi-loving counterpart. I imagine God as the wise old knight, looking down on me saying, "She chose... poorly" or "You have chosen... wisely." That could be part of why big decisions always cause me huge amounts of anxiety.

Buried underneath this is the simple fact that I do believe there are "right" and "wrong" choices we can make. Not in the sense that we can't redeem (or have redeemed) a choice that might have been "poor". Because I do think that any choice is essentially redeemable. But I always think there's a "better" option between the two choices I must make. And in many cases, I have simply decided not to choose, and let the choice get made for me, because I am so afraid of that wise old knight passing the judgment over my choice that I have chosen poorly.

As I think this morning about this particular quirk of mine, I am struck by how un-Strengths-like that mentality is. Realistically, choices are value neutral (unless you are choosing between, let's say, killing someone and not killing them... then there's morality attached). When you're choosing between whether to move to New York or Los Angeles, that is a value-neutral choice. Just like Strengths choices. It's what you do with the choice, and what the choice means in the context of who you are that determines whether the choice is the best or not. And it's quite possible to be faced with a choice where both sides, if chosen, would be "wise" choices. (Those are rare, I will admit... but quite possible.)

So in the context of Strengths, when I think about making big decisions, I want to stop playing the movie in my head where I am in the chalice room, scooping up the water of life, and about to hear the decision pronounced on my eternal fate. And I want to start playing a movie where all choices I could make (again... see above re:morality) have the potential to be wise choices. And when I put the choices in that context, it is much easier for me to look to that old knight for wisdom instead of judgment. And that, hopefully, will make the decision-making process less like a movie-moment for me, and more like a normal moment of life... with the potential for hope at every turn.

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day: "Dang, I wish I had ninjas."

One Down, Two to Go...

So, my big news for the day is this:

I made the semi-finals of the "Write Your Book Across the Sky" contest that Hearts On Fire publishers put on every year. The winner gets a publishing contract and a year's worth of promotion from this publisher. Pretty exciting.

At least I made the semi-finals, even if I don't make it any farther.

One round down, two rounds to go.

WKRP, Here I Come

Those of you who frequent this blog and/or my Facebook page and/or my cel phone:

I'm heading out to Cincinnati for several days. I am not sure how much time--if any--I will have to get online, so if you're trying to get ahold of me, I can promise you that I will respond on Tuesday. :-) But beyond that, if you really need me, call me on my cel phone and I'll try to get back to you post-hasty-like.

I'll make sure to eat some spa-chili for you... maybe... :-)

Review: The Sacred Meal (Nora Gallagher)

I had the distinct pleasure of reading Nora Gallagher's The Sacred Meal recently. As someone who is interested in anything under the title of "Ancient Practices" (this book was part of a series), I found myself immediately drawn both to the concept of the ancient practice as well as specifically to the practice of communion--the subject of this book. Lately, I have been thinking about sacramental theology and this book is one in a series of incredible books I've read on the subject.

Though Gallagher might not consider her work a treatise on sacramental theology, that's exactly what it is. Although she is an ordained Episcopal priest, she writes on a very accessible level... not the sort of "Christainese" that one might read in a deep theological work. Yet her theology itself is nuanced, and impressive. What makes this book so great is that you don't have to be familiar with Brueggemann, Barthes, and Aquinas in order to understand what she writes. In fact, you don't even need to know who they are. She spends most of her time writing about Jesus, which is refreshing (as well, ironically, as Barthian).

There were a few distracting parts, as well as parts that I enjoyed. Most of the distractions were oddly editorial. I've read many nonfiction books where the editors chose to pick out great quotations and highlight them in the text somehow. This one was particularly bad. The editors made the quotations look like headers for new sections, and set them off in a way that highlighted how poorly placed they were. (In fact, looking back over my notes, I couldn't really tell whether they meant the quotations to separate sections, or if it just happened that when they set apart a quote, it separated a section. It was awful... but if you can get past that, it's rather a great read.)

I don't want to spoil any of the book, because I would definitely suggest picking it up, but I did want to highlight a few of the sections that I thought were particularly brilliant. She explains the act of taking communion as the "stitching together" of the body of Christ that needs to be done again and again. (Fantastic image she paints.) The taking of the bread and the wine connects us, one to another, across all forms of barrier. It is the ultimate unifying act (sacrament) of the Christian faith. Yet, I particularly enjoyed how she did not allow even the sacrament of Communion to be a reductionist act of the faith. The faith, to Gallagher, is a complex thing, that cannot be reduced to right thinking or even right (ethical) acting. It is a thing to be lived, in the world, and embraced abundantly. Fantastic, fantastic concepts. Based on this reading, I'm looking forward to the rest of the series.

So The Sacred Meal, written by Nora Gallagher, is definitely a recommendation, especially to those of you who pastor. It is decidedly sacramental (and as a result, somewhat Catholic) in its theology... but it's a perspective that I think most Evangelicals could stand to consider much more often than we do. Those of you in the ancient-future movement... read immediately.

**In the interest of full disclosure, this book was provided to me at no cost by the publisher for the purposes of having a review posted on this blog and a consumer review website.**

The Glamour Shot Factor (Or Why I Hate Movie Trailers)

I am a sucker for a good story. Whether it's a book, a movie, a cartoon, an advertisement, a poem, a picture, or a lie, I like me some stories. I have taken more than one chance on something that I had a niggling bad sense about in order to experience a good story.

This unfortunate trait is why movie trailers are not my friend. Generally, ever.

Why? Because it's very common for the creators of these trailers to be better storytellers than the people who wrote the screenplay, directed the film, and did the acting all put together. Case in point: the unfortunate G.I. Joe, which I watched last night.

I remember seeing this trailer on another film (I think, with Chris, who is a big G.I. Joe fan from childhood), and I said, "That looks awesome." Chris (or whomever was with me) promptly disagreed. "It's gonna be crap." I asked how he could tell, and he couldn't explain it. So rather than trust his gut, I trusted mine.

Bad idea.

I got sucked in by the G.I. Joe trailer, which I thought looked like a great story. They did not tell you, in the trailer, what the real plot was... which was absolutely moronic. And perhaps, all you directors/screenwriters out there, when your movie-trailer-maker cuts out your entire plot from the trailer, that should be a sign for you?!? That your plot absolutely SUCKS.

It's like a glamour shot. If you've ever seen food photographers do shots for print, you know what I'm talking about. That juicy, succulent turkey you're drooling over in Cooking Light is really a turkey with cardboard stuffing and floor polish on its skin. They start with a real product, and they futz with it and put non-edible stuff in it and prop it up to get the absolute best shot they can get, but the food in the picture is completely inedible.

This is what I need to remember when I see movie trailers from now on: don't get sucked in by the story you see. It's just a glamour shot. Evaluate it on the merits you know... what kind of reviews does it get, who directed/wrote/acted in it--and have you liked their work before? Be a discerning consumer. Because frankly, I'm sick and tired of going to see absolute shite because it had a good trailer. And to all you other non-discerning moviegoers out there, expect more from your films! Don't waste your time.

And don't fall for the cardboard stuffing... it never fills you up, anyway.