Lots of people in town for Cat-Griz this weekend. We've seen more people that we haven't seen in years over the last couple of days. It has really got me thinking about a few things.
First, why do we keep up with some people and not with others? Granted, Facebook is a great way for me to be able to keep up with people who have moved away... but there are even people who live in my town that I used to be great friends with that I never see anymore. Proximity has changed (work, school, church), so for whatever reason, we're not naturally around each other anymore. So it just made me wonder why some people make the transition with us, and why others do not. I really am grateful to Facebook for keeping me in the "Input" loop, and to technology in general for helping me be up with people. I just miss the people themselves.
Second, why do some things never change? As someone who has changed a lot over the years, why are there things about me that change (big-time) and some things that just never change? It seems like, as I compare myself to the person I used to be when I worked at The Rock, or when I was in college, or when I was in high school... I am SO different. But there are things about me that you could recognize, no matter what part of my life you come from. But I don't get that. Some of those things that never change, I want to change. And some of the ways that I have changed, I wish I was the same. I guess, though... if wishes were horses...
Third, why do we make the choices we make? Why do we move (or not move)? Why do we take one job or head in one direction? Why do we make friends with one person and not another? Why do we choose one relationship and not another? We are SUCH complex beings... it's sort of a trip when I think about how these little choices we make (like, for instance, dropping a class...) can effect the rest of our lives in such profound ways. Having seen some people that I haven't seen in 10 years, it brings that into sharp relief. When I dropped one class and stopped being friends with that person, then this whole part of my life changed. Or when I didn't drop a class or kept being friends with another person, then a whole other part of my life changed. I didn't answer the phone. Or I did answer the phone. I had no idea what I was doing. Life changed. When I went online one day to find graduate programs in leadership, and found Bethel (and didn't know I was going to Seminary), then wow. Now my whole life is in a completely different place. It's just weird to think about these things.
I guess in the end, I always just want to know why. I'm like a petulant child that way. (That, by the way, is one of those traits in me that never changes...) I suppose it's because I know that I can't know... and when there's something I can't know, I want to know it more than the things I can. Curiosity? Or just being plain nosy? I don't know. But I want to know why. I don't think I want to go back and change things. Perhaps I am secretly unhappy, which I doubt. I love my life. I just look back at how my life used to be, and I miss certain things about it. Enough to go back? Probably not. But I guess I do always have the memories. I guess.
In line with having lots of old friends pop up, one of my very best friends has been here all weekend, and us getting the chance to do all these things we used to do... it has been fantastic. I definitely miss her. And I miss the life we used to have together. But we have both grown to places in our life that we really love, and we still have a very solid friendship. So I guess I can say that I am happy that things are as they are. Even if they are different than I expected, and even if I can't know why they are the way they are. The bottom line is that I am content. And if I had the chance to change, I wouldn't do it...
So I guess my answer is "To Bleibt"...
‘Tis the Season for Rosemary
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*“There’s rosemary that’s for remembrance. Pray, you love, remember.” ~ **
Hamlet** *
Rosemary is one of my favorite herbs, mostly just because. I rarely ...
2 hours ago

